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You'll View The Grinch In A Completely Different Light When You Discover These 14 Truths

by N/A, 10 years ago | 3 min read

Around the holidays, we all like to act like we're good, charitable folks with enormous hearts and limitless tolerance for others. Come on. You and I both know that when you peel back the onion-like layers of your stinking flesh, there's really just a rotten soul and a three-sizes-too-small heart that despises everything Christmas stands for. We're awful. Get used to it, and just take solace that there's someone (or something) who feels exactly the way you really do.

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1. When you look back through your high school yearbook.

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Because they're all terrible.

2. When your work friend has some fresh gossip about that dude from the office.

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Yeah, he totally did that thing.

3. Pretty much anytime anyone asks you to leave your apartment/cave on the weekends...

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Got 4 hours of me time in the afternoon, followed by another 6 this evening. Sorry, busy weekend.

4. ...unless it's an invite to an ugly Christmas sweater party.

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With lots of booze, of course. Because you'd never go for the company alone.

5. But you really, really do value your alone time.

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6. Most afternoons.

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Actually, maybe you should get out of the house more.

7. When someone shows you a picture of their baby like, "isn't she cute?"

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No, she's not.

8. When the alarm goes off yet again after hitting the snooze button for the third time.

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I need beauty rest, okay?

9. Your work friend tells you all about what her cat did this weekend and you'd rather do this:

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Please, I just want to wallow in my silent misery and not hear about your cat.

10. But then she shows you a video and the cat is actually so damn cute.

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DAMMIT CAT STOP BEING SO CUTE.

11. The end of every single work day.

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Because now you get to go home and hang out with your favorite person: you.

12. Every once in a while, you realize you've been hanging out with no one but yourself and realize you might be going a little crazy.

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Yeah, "a little."

13. Then you go out for drinks with friends, and this happens:

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Expressing emotion, even in a drunken stupor? Humiliating.

14. And then once again it's back to the same ol' grind.

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Tough to be a Grinch.