TIL: My Mom And I Become The Same Person When We Get Drunk
One night led me to discover that my mom and I are basically the same person—when drunk.
I recently made the trek from Chicago to Ohio to visit my mom. Upon arrival, she ambushed me with an extra ticket to the Vince Gill concert—for that night. I wanted to spend time with my mom, but seriously, Vince Gill? I eventually decided that, "Whatever, I'll go anyway," because I'm an excellent daughter.
You know when you're a kid and you see a parent who's drunk and it's a little jarring (not to mention a tad embarrassing)? Well, that night, I discovered getting drunk with my mom as an adult is literally the best. And that my mom and I are basically the same drunk person. Allow me to walk you through my unforgettable night.
Here's a picture of Vince Gill, to set the scene.
Mom: Declares she's only going to have one drink tonight.
Me: Already pouring my second glass of wine.
Mom: Refuses any pre-concert shots.
Me: Actively trying to convince at least one other person to take a shot with me.
I'm just being budget conscious. Really, Mom, this is just smart financial planning.
Mom: Insists on driving because she has a parking voucher from the last time the family went to a concert (2002).
Me: Insists on not driving as a silent contract of the drunkenness to come.
Mom: Orders a complicated Cosmo at the bar before the concert, then has to teach the bartender how to make a proper drink.
Me: Orders the cheapest beer they have (PBR).
Mom: Accepts shot I bought during the opener. Giggles the whole time.
Me: Giggles back at ridiculous mom giggles.
Mom: Decides to approach age-appropriate man with a pressed shirt and dungarees.
Me: Decides to approach a 20-something man in plaid with a man-bun. Assumes he's at the Vince Gill concert ironically.
Mom: Misses large chunk of the concert because of cute man.
Me: Misses large chunk of the concert because of cute man.
Mom: Feels wild—let's attractive man give her a peck.
Me: Feels wild—publicy makes out with man-bun.
Mom: Acts responsible and gives attractive man her number, then pulls drunk daughter out of the concert venue.
Me: Is too drunk, yells number to man-bun as mother drags me away.
Mom: Feels saucy enough to download Uber.
Me: Feels saucy enough to learn the cab driver is Canadian. Sings entire Canadian national anthem—everyone in the car is unimpressed.
Mom: Insists on making cookies.
Me: Insists on eating cookies.
Both: Too drunk to wait for cookies to cook, and end up eating most of the cookie dough raw.
Mom: Lays in bed the next day with headache, watching "Pride and Prejudice."
Me: Lays in bed with mom the next day watching "Pride and Prejudice," and wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world.
Now go out and get drunk with your mom! You may just learn you have more in common than you think.