8 Total Chick Products That Companies Rubbed Some Dirt On And Made Manly
For the man whose ego must be gently coddled.
Let's face the facts about the male ego.
It's more fragile than a little baby bird, but definitely not as cute.
But we totally understand that sometimes men want to be normal human beings and iron a shirt, moisturize their faces, or make a snack, but we know it's difficult for them to do this because those are girly things.
These eight products allow men to tap into their feminine sides without having to actually admit to doing so. Don't worry, dudes, these things totally protect your ego.
1. Brosé
Can you imagine popping open a bottle of rosé with your bros? And *shudder* (but in a totally manly way) clinking wine glasses afterward?
Design team Safari Sundays found that image very disturbing as well. Now you can drink wine with your dudes in a socially acceptable way. They canned the rosé so you don't look, you know, gay.
2. Naughty Memory Stick USB Drive
Yeah man, if you're going to be a total dweeb and carry around a USB drive you might as well make it something really cool like a condom.
It's phallic, so obviously it's manly. Stick it in that computer so hard and eject all the information your female coworker probably gathered but you took credit for.
3. The Mantry Box
Even though we know a woman's place is in the kitchen, sometimes they abandon you and make you feed yourselves. Yeah, your mom has some nerve, doesn't she?
But no worries, the people over at The Mantry Company totally get you. They understand that, "Shopping for guys can be daunting at best."
Women get food from the pantry. Dudes get food from The Mantry. This big, burly box doesn't give you crackers, it gives you Beer Flats. The chocolate is wrapped up like a slab of deli meat so you're not looking like a chick with a Hershey on her period. Gross.
4. Tough Guy Tattoos
We're not even going to talk about the fact that Tough Guy Tattoos are temporary tattoos. (Shouldn't tough guys be able to handle a tattoo artist's needle?) Lick and stick, baby. These tats will definitely make your nonexistent triceps bulge.
Apparently "Weak Guy Tattoos" was already taken.
5. Man beauty products
Most creams, moisturizers, and gels marketed to women have the same ingredients as their male equivalents. But the fact that the two gendered products share the same aisle in Target? EW. That's too close for comfort.
There's a place called Facestuff that understands you don't care about the crap you put on your face. But actually you do care quite a bit and that's why you'll order this expensive goop online instead of walking into Target, past all the LADY THINGS, and getting it for way less.
6. Male Ego Menswear
Most stores don't sell clothes large enough to fit the male ego, but luckily Male Ego Menswear created a line of clothing catered to perfecting the male appearance.
They've got cufflinks, bowties, lapel pins, and even clergy wear, because priests have egos, too, you know. Their only duty is "... To Make You Look Good," because of course, what else matters other than a person's exterior?
7. The Man Iron
Have a wrinkled shirt, but there's no woman around to iron it for you? Fear not!
Philips developed the manliest iron around so you can keep your dignity AND wrinkle-free khakis. It's black, has 2,400 watts of power, and a button on top that blasts steam out in a way more powerful way than any iron a woman would use.
8. Masculine paint swatches
We know how humiliating it would be to walk out of Home Depot with a can of purple paint, even if it is for your mom's kitchen.
So, men, raise a glass to the the preservation of your ego.
Don't worry, dudes. With these products, you never have to feel any less than the manly man you are.